Grant me wings, and i will soar..

To release, is relief.

To dream, is bliss.

To know that there’s someone far greater in control, is to accept things as they are, not denying that I too make mistakes and have fallen short plenty of times.

Life’s dealt with me, and I with it.

I’m free.

*smiles*

*laughs*

"Life must be lived forward, but understood backwards" ~Søren Kierkegaard

Moving on

Gen, Tian, Yoong, *Bobo, Lyd, Aud, Cal and all you people out there!!

I wanna see you!

*Gen:I’m wondering if I should go see you before I leave and since my mom loves the place…hmm. (deep in thought)

*nyahahahaha

After A-lvls, I’m moving over to blogspot.

Oh lord, you’re beautiful,

Your face is all I see,

For when your eyes are on this child,

Your grace abounds to me.

I want to take your word and shine it all around.

But first help me to just, live it lord.

And when I’m doing well, help me to never seek a crown.

For my reward is giving glory to you.

Oh lord, please light the fire,

That once burned bright and clean.

Replace the lamp of my first love,

That burns with holy fear.

I want to take your word and shine it all around.

But first help me to just, live it lord.

And when Im doing well, help me to never seek a crown.

For my reward is giving glory to you.

Oh lord, youre beautiful,

Your face is all I see,

For when your eyes are on this child,

Your grace abounds to me.

     . m e r e r a g e .

there is a thing i want to do. but i do not know what it is.
there is a dream i would like to revisit. but i do not know where it is. or what it means.
there is a person i long to be with. but we are miles apart(figuratively).
there is a face i want to see. but. but. but.
but you’re not here.

i miss you.

*drip*
*drip*
*splatter*splatter*
*splishes splashes*

for the first time ever, i’m..sitting…..and not enjoying the rain..

=(

.crushed hopes.reality intrusion.bugged.staring.waiting.mystified.bewildered.outstretched.shakes head.what the.

I
love
love
love
the rain
…rain
……rain
love the rain
….loooovvee thhhheeeeee rraaaaiiiiin……
I LOVE THE RAIN……………..!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!….
…so much that i’m going crazy coz there’s thunder and lightning booming ‘n flashing all around my house right now.
beautiful.

long to be out there, enjoying God’s splendour.
should i be struck by lightning…t’would be but a trifle compared to the delirious elation and expectation i feel when caught in the rain.=)

rain
fall, fall on me
douse the flames of boredom and inconsequence i face everyday
wind
whip my hair all over (preferably away from my face)
display your strength
bend the trees and fling the leaves like confetti…away…away into the nothingness
show me once again
your vigour
coz i never tire of being with you.

sky..
darken.
let me know that you feel as i do
block out the millions of strewn stars just for now, only for this hour
and broil the clouds
let them churn and travel
that together with the lightning..
..they may form *chariots of fire*..

i continue to long.

Felt like
jotting…so this is a little something from a year ago.

~10^th September
2005~
George Bernard Shaw once said: “There are two tragedies in life. One is
to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”

 …It
is when we reach high to grasp that which we want so much, that we lose sight
of everything else that matters…friendship, love, family. Yes, it is extremely
difficult to put the past behind you and to walk forward wanting to put all
your efforts into a life you seemed to have missed. What we treasured
becomes like dry mist that enshrouds. Sometimes when the past is too thick, you
aren’t able to see what lies beyond, around, above. More often than not, it is
when you want to step out to leave it all behind that you realize there are
certain memories you cannot forget…memories that taught you to live. And you
realise that there are wounds that still aren’t healed. The harder you hit it,
the worse it becomes. It’s hard to say ‘NO’ to the people you love, but I guess
the greatest sacrifice anyone can make is by putting the people we love above
ourselves – putting their desires beyond our own, and remembering that though you
tear inside, it is nothing compared to the tragedy they face…

                                                . 末 .

(scribbled after viewing an episode of .satu pokok gunung.)

that was the past. but the future is inevitable. so there will always be a past.
 

free spirit. tossed by the wind. burn. perish. rejuvenate. sparkle. fall. heavenwards. desire.

alive
exist
live
function
mechanical
expectations from others
deliverance of said expectations
or
no deliverance

doesn’t matter
it’s just another thing
another event
another another

eventually
you stop feeling anything
you’re a rock
you’re no more
you’re lost
as am i
again and again
over and over
you feel void
emptied
stark

everything’s so blurry
what’s truth?
hmm?

blimey.

Took a walk with mom and pa a few nights ago, just around my neighbourhood. Man…it was good. Didn’t realize how much i missed cool night air, space, freedom, space, freedom, spa…

Also, i missed the feeling of elusion beneath thick veils of night’s darkest shade. aaaaaaahh…..

That was right before the haze ya.

Anyway.
Walking gives me plenty of time to think, seeing as there’s nothing much else one can do while strutting through lamp-lit suburbun tracks. And..i wonder, have you ever realised that most of  the time, we’re fighting ourselves? Random random thoughts..flow through my head….and out again. Need to learn to keep them inside.

We talked about politics. relationships. Korean churches. detours. college application. studies. each other. Heard the rumblings of the Putra LRT passing overhead, its dimly lit cabins splashing shadows that dance across the ground. i love the effect that light can play on darkness and darkness on light. Gorgeous.

Benefits of living in an old, affluent neighbourhood include eye-candy in the form of HUGE, picturesque houses with indoor swimming pools, taking long winding walks and sesat-ing somewhere within…entertaining really.

Confession.
I’ve never actually set eyes on some of the houses here. The walls surrounding them are just too freaking high. 20 ft? Or more.

                                                   I dream of dreams.
.surreal.mystical.whimsical.twisted.dark.strange.beautiful.layered.recurring.nonsensical.

                                                   miss those dreams.

-heheheheheh-
Got to play on a 300 year old stradivarius.
                                                                            *winx*

it’s nice the way we smile when we’re happy. =)